Losing Perspective

I know my posts don't come as frequently these days and I'm sorry for that (for those of you who care). I still can't believe anyone actually reads my blog! 

Ultimately, less posts is a praise because there hasn't been as much to report as things are starting to fall into a pattern of normal.  Lately, I've found myself being annoyed by all this rainy weather we've had in Charleston, looking down at my toes and thinking that they really need attention and feeling a little overwhelmed by the big task of cleaning out the kids closets of all the stuff they are outgrowing. Why is this significant? Because the day that Forester was diagnosed, when I was driving home with Forester from the hospital with only a tiny sentence of information, "he has a brain tumor" and nothing else, I instantly began to think about all the trivial things that consume us.  I literally thought "all these people in these cars passing me by have no idea that I just learned that my 7 year old has a brain tumor".  I saw a women drumming her perfect gel nails on her steering wheel and thought, "I can't believe people actually care about fingernails!" I can't believe we waste time honking at the slow car in front of us and getting angry - who cares!  And, who knows what kind of day that person is having.  I can't believe we care about Brad & Angelina.  None of it matters.  All of these things were flying through my mind in an instant.  In the next several hours I thought, I don't care if I live in a shack, don't have a car, wear clothes that have holes in it and bathe in a creek.  I don't care.  I just want my baby to be ok.  Through out the next several days and weeks I would get angry over the Facebook statuses I would read.  Really?  You're mad because someone always misspells definitely?  You're complaining because you're "stuck" indoors all day with your kids? You have got to be kidding me.
And yet, here I am almost a year later reverting back to the "old me".  Thumbing through the People magazine while checking out at the grocery, seriously considering whether or not quarterly pedicures could be worked into the budget (the answer is no, btw), and posting trivial Facebook statuses that include counting down the hours until my children are asleep and complaining about a puppy who keeps peeing in the kitchen. How have I managed to lose perspective?  Why do we lose it?

Then, I receive an email from a local cancer kids organization letting me know that 2 MUSC children have passed away.  One of them from a brain tumor. And my heart stops and I can't breathe. Instantly, I regain persepective.  And I pray "Lord, I need you... I'm freaking out and I need you. I'm scared to death that will be my child one day." I also happened across another mom's blog today. http://laylagrace.org Her 2 year old daughter  is now in the process of dying from Neuroblastoma.  Usually, I run from anything like this because I just can't bear to read it. But, today for some reason I read.  I can relate to her posts on so many levels.  She was "just a mom" like me.  She had a happy healthy little girl until May when they were stunned with the diagnosis of cancer.  And like us, they have taken so many aggressive steps to kill this cancer and in the process watched their child suffer. Like us, they have a strong faith in God, asked Him for miracles, & believe in power of prayer.  Some of her posts sounds so similar to my own.  But, there is a huge difference.  Treatment didn't kill the cancer.  It's continued to overtake Layla Grace's body and now she is in the last days of her life. They are currently living my biggest fear.  My heart completely breaks for them.  And again in an instant, I understand what really matters.  I would encourage you to read the latest post on Layla Grace's site.  Especially if you're a mom.   For me, I know what it's like to want to hear your kids fighting with each other again. Wanting your child to be healthy enough to have to say "calm down" and for those things to be the biggest stresses of the day.  I longed for it!  And, now it's here. Praise God! But, instead of being thankful for the silliness that's getting out of control at the dinner table I'm getting angry. And, I'm not reading Forester and Micah a story before bed because I feel like I have too much laundry to get to....perspective lost.
Thanks to Layla Grace and her family I have it back.  Who cares about a messy house or piles of laundry.  I'll get it done eventually.  Today I'm going to BE with my children.  Play with them, hold them, and enjoy the moment. I may even let them sleep in my bed tonight! I pray that God continues to remind me of what really matters and just how blessed I am.  I pray that he will continue to show me how to live and love in the moment and cherish the gifts he's given me. 
I pray the same for you. And I ask you to stop for a moment and pray for a family who is about to lose their precious Layla Grace, to the nasty monster called cancer.

BIG NEWS!

This is long overdue and it seems I start quite a few posts in this manner. Sorry! Things are as crazy as they can be with 3 kids and a puppy!  And, I tend to give the "play by play" via Facebook and Twitter and sometimes forget about updating the blog immediately.  You can follow me on Twitter by clicking here.
Last Wednesday Forester had a clinic appointment for blood labs and a check up.  His labs came back looking pretty good and to our surprise Forester was approved to return back to school on Tuesday, January 19th!! Forester was so excited.  The look on his face when he told me was priceless. Here we were thinking it would probably be March or so before he could return to school and God did it in January! It was a long 6 days of waiting for Forester.  He was so cute. At 7 in the morning on Thursday he was trying on all of his uniform shirts and pants to see which still fit.  And, he and Mrs. Weston worked very hard, doubling up on lessons to get Forester caught up with the rest of his 2nd grade class.
So, after 329 days, Forester returned to school yesterday!  Right now he is only attending until noon each day until he can build up his stamina for a full day.  He was all smiles and enjoyed every minute of being back with his friends and in the classroom learning.  His only complaint was that he had to leave mid-day.  He truly was sad yesterday and a little bit today.  I know he longs to be "normal" like everyone else. It will take some time to get there and we are so thankful for how far we've come!
Please pray for all of us during this time of transition.  We are so thankful that Forester is in a small private Christian school full of staff, parents and kids who love him. We are thankful that he is one of 8 children in his class where he will receive amazing personal attention in learning and development.  We are also thankful that because of a smaller school environment it is less of a risk to his health as far as sickness goes.  Pray for Forester's teacher, Mrs. Walters, and also his classmates!
Another specific prayer request is healing for Forester's legs. As you know the chemo, Vincristine, has wreaked havoc on Forester's balance and legs.  To see Forester for a few moments you may not notice but as Forester's classmates and Mrs. Walters may now tell you, his legs are more severe than one would think. I'm not trying to paint a dramatic picture here I'm just trying to express how things truly are.  Forester cannot run - it looks more like a limping gallop.  He cannot walk in a straight line.  He cannot take the stairs one foot at a time but instead 2 feet at a time like a toddler would.  He cannot balance on one leg long enough to get to the next step. When he walks his feet tend to "slap" and he walks wide legged and in a zig-zag pattern. He falls easily.  We have been told that in most cases these issues are temporary.  We have yet to see any improvement. We will soon begin physical therapy again for Forester and pray that it helps.  Will you please pray for restoration to Forester's muscles and nerves in his legs and feet?  Pray that these side effects are temporary and not permanent. Pray that the activity he does at school will be great physical therapy and with each passing day he will improve.  This little 8 year old boy longs to run and jump and play sports with his friends again. So, we would also ask that you pray for protection over him.  His body does not cooperate with his mind and sometimes he does things he thinks he can do.  Especially if his friends are doing it!  Normal boy stuff.  We believe that God can restore Forester completely!  Thank you for praying for him and us.

Here are some pictures of Forester's 1st day of 2nd grade!

Better!

Forester slept very peacefully last night and woke up hungry!  He's been eating normally and taking his pills and feeling good.  Thanks so much for your prayers!!  So far everyone else is feeling fine too. Praying that continues.

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend,
Whitney

Praise and Another Prayer Request

First of all, we finally received the official results of Forester's MRI via phone message saying everything looks "good".  Thank you, Lord and thank you for your prayers!

Asking for some more prayers tonight.  Forester is sick with a tummy bug.  I am just mad about this because he's done enough puking this year to last a lifetime and I think he deserves a break!  Selfishly, I think we could all use one and I feel a little overwhelmed by the thought of another stomach bug making the rounds in our house. Please pray for grace and God's mercy and protection over us all.  Right now I'm thinking:  "Uh, yes. I'd like one pass for smooth sailing for 6 months please. Thank you."  But like I said this is selfish and self focused and the truth of the matter is we have been blessed beyond measure.  We live in a fallen messed up world and it comes with hardship, sickness and heartache. As much as I wish it weren't so...
But, that won't keep me from praying and asking you to pray. Pray for Forester to sleep peacefully tonight and be fully recovered in the morning and also a hedge of protection around the rest of our family.

Thank you. I will keep you updated.
xoxo ~ Whitney

MRI

Forester's MRI went smoothly.  We're back at home and he's ready for some Kraft mac and cheese. We probably won't get any official results of the scan until tomorrow or the the next day, but we have friend at MUSC who was able to take a peek.  From what he could see, the scan looks great but of course we need to wait for the official read.  Thank you so much for your prayers.  Keep them up!

HERE is a link to a short video of Forester receiving the sedation drugs and drifting off to dreamland.

A Big Christmas Surprise and a Prayer Request

Well, it was quite an amazing Christmas at the Bradburn house. We now have a new member of the family.  An 8 week old Cockapoo boy named, Max.  He is absolutely precious.  It was a BIG surprise as we have always told the boys "we are never getting a dog, we have kids".  But, after the year that Forester has had we agreed that if any boy deserves a puppy, it's Forester.  He's been asking for a dog since he was three and he is a big animal lover. He loves to watch animal planet and has decided he wants to be a snake wrangler and have his own snake show.  Well, we're not getting any snakes so a puppy it is!  Max was in a big box in front of the tree with a big bow on top and the boys were in shock when they opened it up.  I think Forester was truly stunned!  Max is already snuggling into our family just fine... though the housebreaking is quite a challenge.  We've never had a puppy before!  I thought I wasn't having any more kids - I guess I was wrong.  Max is baby # 4! ha!

Max's arrival also marks a milestone in Forester's treatment.  The day he was diagnosed (Feb 24th 2009), the Oncologist told us "no new pets" until after treatment. And here we are on the other side of the hard core chemo and embracing a new furry friend.  Thank you, Lord for the victories in Jesus!

Health wise our family has still been struggling a bit.  The stomach bug hit about 10 out of the 17 of us and about half of us are still battling a cold/cough.  Thankfully Forester hasn't really had much in the way of symptoms of either - miraculous! But, when he went to the clinic on Wednesday his white blood count was really low which probably means his body is trying to fight off something.  So, we're trying to keep him protected. Thankfully, he seems fine!  Thank you so much for your prayers of protection over Forester's body.  Keep it up!  They're working!

Prayer Request:  Tomorrow at 9:40 AM Forester will undergo another MRI of his brain to make sure everything looks as it should and that there are no traces of cancer.  He will be under general sedation for this procedure which will last about an hour and a half.  Please be praying for peace for him, that everything goes well with the sedation, and that the scans look PERFECT!  Also, please pray for me (& I know that you are) that I, too, will have God's peace.  It's so hard not to be scared and anxious about these scans.  Strangely, in this last month I  feel scared about Forester's health all the time. I'm not sure why as one would think I would be breathing a sigh of relief. Maybe because we're stepping into new, uncharted territory and I just don't quite know how to "be".  Maybe all the emotions of the last year are catching up with me (again).  I'm not sure but I do feel a bit like I'm suffocating sometimes and I'm not sure how I'll continue to live in this overwhelming sense of fear.  I need God's peace and healing and I know I need to trust Him.  I also know I need your help by asking you to pray. Please pray.

Thank you.  As I've said before, words are not adequate in expressing my gratitude to you.  For reading our blog, loving our son, praying for our family, and keeping us encouraged.  Your friendship is an amazing gift. I pray that you were truly blessed over the holiday season.  I was more than ready to kick 2009 to the curb and welcome 2010 with open arms.  We are praying that 2010 and beyond will be CANCER FREE for our family.  We're praying for you, that 2010 will bring to you more than you ever thought possible.  Amazing joy, amazing peace and the amazing love of God.

Happy New Year!
Whitney

To view short videos of Max, click HERE and HERE!

Feeling Better!

Slade has been moving around a bit today and eating and drinking a little bit more.  I am feeling much better than I was last night and am going to attempt to sing tonight! No matter how it sounds, to God be the glory.  Thanks so much for your prayers for all of us.  Blessings to you all!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Whitney

Keep Praying

Slade is making progress, drinking some and having a few cheerios, she is crying a lot in her sleep and very restless.  It's almost midnight now and she is crying. Poor girl.
I seem to be close to miserable with tons of pressure in my head, sneezing, aches, chills and even jaw pain - huh?  Anyway.  Pray that tomorrow is a brand new day.  It's CHRISTMAS EVE!  Unless a miracle happens overnight I don't think I'll be singing tomorrow.  Sad. :-(  I was looking forward to being with my worship team family tomorrow night.

Ultimately though, this is a praise report!  As of now no other family members have come down with anything.  Keep praying that coverage.  THANK YOU!

Goodnight!
Whit