I feel like I'm due for a blog post but thankfully I don't have any drama or changes to report regarding Forester. In fact, in the last month we've moved to a new part of town, the kids have started in a new school and everyone is doing fabulously. Praise God for that!
I thought I might share about my current challenge, and wonder if any of you mommies out there could relate. I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a wife and mother. I used to play with baby dolls constantly, I started babysitting at 13 in my church nursery and didn't stop taking care of other peoples kids until I became pregnant with Forester. I've always loved children and couldn't wait to be a mom! And this job that I love has exceeded my expectations. But it has also come with some things that I didn't expect. Being responsible for shaping and raising God-loving respectable people is a lot different than being a nanny. As my babies are getting older I have found things have become more difficult for me. As the baby and toddler years are more physically challenging, the elementary and beyond is more mentally challenging. *insert stab about my mental state here* And though I continue to love my job it's hard a crap as every parent will tell you. I expected that. What I didn't expect was to feel like I was losing myself along the way. Parenthood is all consuming. It never stops. You don't get to get off the ride for a while and get back on. In some ways this is great - it's a fun and rewarding ride. But, can any other mom out there relate to the feeling that mommy-hood just swallowed you whole and the old you is still in there somewhere but...where? I think I miss myself! I believe I'm a better me because I am a mom. But, I know I need to find a balance in there somewhere because I've been told that "before I know it, they'll be grown and out the door". If I've lost myself completely to mommy hood then I'm just setting myself up for a mid life crisis. But here's the challenge: how do we mommies make time to continue to nurture ourselves in the midst of the busiest most demanding time in our lives? And maybe the bigger challenge is how do with do this without feeling guilty for putting ourselves on the priority list?
Today I don't have answers. Anyone else asking these questions?
8 months ago