Monday, August 10, 2009

Round 3 starts off with a breakdown



It's been a long day and I am finally home which feels so wrong. It just can't be right to sleep in your own bed when your son is in a hospital getting chemo. But, I've tortured myself with these thoughts before so I won't continue to do it again.
I have great news to report! Forester had his hearing test today and his hearing is still perfect. Woo-Hoo! Thank you, Jesus just doesn't cover it! 2 down and 4 more to go. Tonight he gets Cisplatin for 6 hours which is the drug that can cause hearing loss. Please continue to pray protection over his ears and every healthy cell in his body. He'll be getting chemo for the next 4 days.
Today was particularly hard. After a long day on the Hem/Onc floor, we finally got a room on 7B. We moved into the hospital "suite" (it's a huge room!) and Forester got settled. Once in his bed and all snuggled down he became very sad. I asked him what was wrong and he began to cry. It was heartbreaking. As I talked with him he said he's just tired of having to do this stuff. Tired of the IV pole, of random people taking his vitals constantly, sleeping away from home, the shots that will start up again soon... Can you blame him? He has been so brave and sweet through all of this. Polite and rarely complaining. He definitely deserves a breakdown. He cried himself to sleep. I felt so inadequate in that moment. Somehow I felt like I was failing as a mom. I felt like I should have had the perfect mom thing to say to make him feel better but there wasn't anything. All I could say was it's ok to be sad. I'm sad too. As I lay next to him in the bed I was wishing I could switch places with him - that I could take it all away. I know that if I feel this way, my God feels that even more. His heart is breaking too. And yet, He is allowing Forester to go through this. His purpose in this must be great! These days are refining us. Ugh. Refining is painful but the result is beautiful.
This weekend April said "I can't believe it's time for Forester to go back in the hospital again. It's going by so fast." It reminded me of being pregnant. It goes by fast for everyone around you but each day seems to creep by when you're the one waddling around with back pain and swollen feet. I'm so glad we're in round 3 but we still have a month before we're half way done with this 6 month cycle. The days seem long. The end seems far away. But, we'll get there.
Thank you, as always, for all your love and prayers for us. Your encouraging words keep us going. God is using you to bless us. And we are so blessed.

All my love,
Whitneywaiting for our room assignment
Slade, happy as usual!

the big roomview of Charleston from the hospital room - it helps!sad but asleep - my sweet baby.

8 comments:

Sam and Laurie Knowles said...

Ugh...Whitney, I can only imagine what y'all are going through!!! We pray for your family every night! Blessings my friend...

lauren said...

my heart aches to take the burden from that sweet boy. yes, he definitely deserves a breakdown. he is so strong!! we love you all so much and are here for you always...

Mama Plett said...

Saying many prayers. My heart is broken again after reading the latest blog. Poor, sweet Forrester, he's been so amazingly strong. I often forget that he is still so young as he handles this all with amazing maturity beyond his years. I cannot wait to see the AMAZING blessings that God has in store for your family.

Tammy H said...

Whitney, I just cried when I read your post. Poor kid. Poor you. I thought about you as I wrote my note on FB. I mean....this season has been FULL of struggle, pain, and hardship for you and your family. Like you said in your post...you know God has great purpose for Forester, but that doesn't actually make the struggle easier to endure. You have no choice but to endure, and neither does little Forester. I know, I know, I know.....that there will be lasting fruit from all that he/you are going through. Suffering (when submitted to Jesus) results in amazing depth/fruit/roots. Even if you can't see it or feel it right now......I hope you are continually reminded of this truth. I love you guys and hate what you are going through. You are an amazing mom to your three! I am praying that you really really sense the kind presence of Jesus in this season. And even though Forester is only 8, am praying that He will sense the absolute love of Jesus 100X over.......

The Gatherum Family said...

i am so sorry. my heart is just breaking for you and him...as always, you are in my prayers.
adrian

Kelly said...

Whit he is such a strong guy! This post made me cry though so of course I can't imagine what it must've been like for you (even though you did a great job describing it). Sending prayers and love to all of you!

stacy beam said...

I am inspired by your bravery. Thank you for sharing this profoundly difficult time. We love you.

Marca said...

Sweet Family, We (the Holy family of Christ)are lifting you up to the throne of heaven from all over the world (us from Oberdorf, Germany & I know there must be many others all over the globe)! I can't comprehend your battle, but He is being glorified by your testimony already. Keep holdin' tight to the "BIG HIM" and the little man. You're doing a GRAND job that only God's strength can account for. We are amazed by Him in you. Much love & many prayers!