Thursday, October 8, 2009

Round 5 starts off with a blow




April made it safely here on Tuesday morning, and we've had a great visit together.  She was able to go to Micah's soccer game with us and see Muzzy & Pop and Grand Do Do, as well as witness Micah scoring 3 goals!  Then Grandma Kathie was so kind to watch the kids so Ape and I could go out.  We had a wonderful dinner downtown at SNOB (Slightly North of Broad) and relaxed on the Vendue Inn Roof Top Bar.  The weather was perfect, and the company was even better!  I am so thankful to have her here and sad that she has to fly back home today.

Forester's round 5  began yesterday.  As always, he had a hearing test first.  The results this time were not what we hoped.  Forester has had significant high frequency hearing loss as a direct result of the crucial chemotherapy drug, Cisplatin. As I have mentioned in previous posts, this loss is permanent - not temporary.  As you can imagine, we were devastated by this news.  If we have to make a choice between returning cancer or hearing loss, of course we would choose hearing loss.  But who wants to "choose" either one at all?? Who doesn't want their child to be completely whole?  He's been through so much already, he's endured so much already....not this too.  I think I am particularly heartbroken over this because I have prayed constantly that God would protect him from this.  I have asked all of you to pray, and I constantly remind my closest friends to pray about his hearing.  We had several people pray over him at church specifically asking God to protect him from this.  These sad results are common, but I truly believe that God is bigger than that.  I do!  So, why didn't He do it?  Why didn't He answer my prayer and protect him from this?  My sweet boy, who feels music in his bones, who loves to sing and dance, who wants to play the piano and drums.  Hearing is important to us all but especially so for this musical family and this musical boy.  I know that God's ways are higher than our ways.  I know we cannot understand the mind of God, but to be honest, I feel heartbroken by Him.  I feel like I put myself out there, believing wholeheartedly in His protection, and He broke my heart. I truly believed this wouldn't happen.  I feel the fool.   Do I love my Jesus any less?  No.  Do I believe that God IS who He says He is? Yes.  Do I still trust Him? Yes.  Do I believe that God can restore Forester's hearing?  Absolutely. But, am I hurting? Yes. Do I understand it all?  Never.

Forester's Cisplatin dose was reduced by 25% in hopes of preventing any more damage to his hearing.  We asked about the ramifications of stopping Cisplatin altogether, but we were told by his doctors it is crucial for treating Medulloblastomas and especially crucial in Forester's case since his tumor was anaplastic.  I will continue to beg you for your prayers.  That this 25% reduction will keep him from having any more hearing loss.  Pray that the amount that he has lost will be restored.  That he won't need hearing aids. Pray for my broken heart and for the strength to continue to watch my child endure this horror for the next 2 months.

Due to Forester's specific gravity in his urine (too concentrated) they had to have him on fluids all day yesterday and chemo didn't start until midnight.  This means an additional 12 hours or so in the hospital.  This made Forester very sad as he is always anxious to get home as soon as possible.  We hope he will be discharged by Sunday night.  Please pray for Forester's spirits and that the time will go by fast for him.  Pray that he won't have severe vomiting like he did last month.   Ugh.  Just pray.

Thankful for another day in spite of my tears,
Whitney

(pictures from yesterday)


7 comments:

lauren said...

i am heartbroken for y'all...just drives me to pray more. i love you!

Mrs. P said...

Oh Whit, I am so sorry that you are going through all this. It is so unfair. I pray for you and for Forester throughout each day, little things make me think of you and him and when I do I pray. I will add specific prayers for his hearing. I pray for you guys a lot when I'm up with the girls at night, so please know that even in the wee hours Forester is being prayed for. (((HUGS))) to one AWESOME & STRONG Momma! You are amazing! Love, Sheila (and Gracie & Mary Faith)

Mama Plett said...

I am so sad to read this. I will be praying even more fervently about Forester's hearing and overall well being. My prayers continue for your entire family to weather this storm with continued love and peace from God. (((HUGS))) and much love!
Michele, Em & Noah

Tammy H said...

Ugh. I am praying. Praying hard, and will get our kids to focus more on the specifics regarding his hearing. Count on our prayers in India. I am heartbroken for you. I don't have any deep theological insight, this just sucks. So...the only thing I know to do is to turn towards Him, lean into Him, and seek His face on your behalf even more. Love yall! Tammy

The Gatherum Family said...

i am so sorry whitney. you continue to be in my prayers.
love,
adrian

Maryanna said...

Whitney, I'm praying for Forester and for his hearing not to decrease anymore. I'm praying for you all to remain strong. It's okay to ask questions. I believe God wants us to do that. We will never fully understand Him completely. Never. Just like you said. All we can do is to trust that His will is sovereign and that He can work miracles. I love y'all!!!
-Maryanna

Wendy said...

Hello!
We've never met, I googled a song by Brooke Fraser and your blog came up, I clicked with out knowing where I was going in this big WWW world. We are a family in MN and will now be lifting your family up as well. I just read your latest entry...I am so sorry for what each of you face, your son is beautiful as is your whole family!
I am a Worship Pastor and there is one person who impacted my life in such a huge way, he was a student I had(back in my teaching days) who lost his hearing, he LOVED music...and was in my music class -he expressed music in ways I have NEVER seen or heard...still to this day I think of him...he's affected the way I do music...your son will sing and I believe that he will hear the music of our God who sings over us (Zep 3:17) in ways we could never comprehend ...again, I weep as I read what your precious one is going through...We will be lifting up Forester and all of you.